Filtered away from Val - Edited just to Zoe, Cai and Rachel

[daniel_marlow]

Why can't I smoke some medicinal marijuana? Or eat the stuff they make into candy floss. This is bullshit.

Comments

[daniel_marlow]

Heh. Because I love you?

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

Yeaah something like that I guess.

[daniel_marlow]

...I can't tell if you're-

Cai, I can't tell if you're really sick of me or not. It's okay. If you are it's okay, I understand. All I do lately is talk about really depressing shit and make you all really upset and you make that face that breaks my heart and I just want to lie and tell you I'm fine and it was actually not that bad okay, just a little bump in the road and not soul shattering. But I'm really bad at lying. So if you want to stop coming to see me, it's okay.

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

No shit sorry - I wasn't being sick of you there, I was just being a dick. I'm not sick of you, I'm sick of all this shit you're going through! It's not that I'm sick of hearing about it, I'm sick that it's happening to you. Does that make sense? Yeah it makes me sick, and horrified, and I make that face but... I don't know what to do about that. I don't think I can change my reaction to it, you know? But it's not you that makes me upset.

[daniel_marlow]

Oh okay! No it's alright, you don't have to change your face. I like your face. I just feel bad that I make it do that. I wish I could lie and just have a good time with you guys all the time because I miss that and I love you all so much. I think it would do more harm than good in the long run.

You're not being a dick though, stop saying that.

I'm sick of it too. I'm so sick of it. I've been back six weeks, shouldn't I be better now? I mean, sure I zapped myself but augh, that was weeks ago. And little things keep coming up like butt surgery or oh no something else might be infected or well we have to check if you got any STDs and HIV takes a month to show up so we're going to have to text you again and in the meantime you have to take these antiretrovirals that make you feel like death.

I'm sick of it and I'm sick of talking about it and living it, but I promised I would so I kind of have to. You guys didn't promise. You don't have to. So if you leave I understand is all I'm saying. It's just one more heartbreak but there's been so many-

[itsajesusthing.insanejournal.com]

You're right, I didn't promise, did I?

So I'll promise now. I promise I'll stick around, Danny.

Maybe I won't stick around as gracefully as I'd like, all the time, but I promise, I'll stick around.

[daniel_marlow]

Thank you. And...I don't know, I'll try not to be so depressing? I don't know how well I'll manage though. It might surprise you to hear, but I'm kind of depressed.