Filtered away from Val
Sep. 9th, 2014 11:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
daniel_marlowBad night last night. Didn't feel like eating and the nurse was being all forceful about it and it got bad and I freaked out and threw a spoon at her and now I'm an arsehole. I mean. It was plastic. I HAVE PTSD DON'T TRY TO FORCE ME TO DO THINGS GODDAMMIT. So then they thought they should strap me down and that freaked me out and I was screaming and there were lots of people and then there was a sedative and that was actually kind of nice. Especially since they might have had to fix up some of my staples. Glad I was asleep for that. Hurts like fuck right now.
Obviously not restrained any more, but I still feel like shit. Trying not to stop eating out of a stubborn desire to control one thing in my fucking life right now. Guys. Don't let me do this? I am going to try to do this and I'm going to be sneaky about it on my bad days and I'm going to be annoyed when you use logic on me but at least I know you won't act like Nurse Forceful who is now not allowed near my room, btw. Because that shit wasn't my fault. I actually felt sick last night, I wasn't trying to be difficult. Now I'm all adrenaline-y and I want to cry all the time.
But I'm talking about it. Dr Abby told me to write it down because it's better to get it out, right? So yeah. I'd still like to see people, just know I'm not going to be cheerful and I might be kind of bitchy. I'm just-
Fuck. Fuck don't try to shove something in my mouth, for fuck's sake.
Obviously not restrained any more, but I still feel like shit. Trying not to stop eating out of a stubborn desire to control one thing in my fucking life right now. Guys. Don't let me do this? I am going to try to do this and I'm going to be sneaky about it on my bad days and I'm going to be annoyed when you use logic on me but at least I know you won't act like Nurse Forceful who is now not allowed near my room, btw. Because that shit wasn't my fault. I actually felt sick last night, I wasn't trying to be difficult. Now I'm all adrenaline-y and I want to cry all the time.
But I'm talking about it. Dr Abby told me to write it down because it's better to get it out, right? So yeah. I'd still like to see people, just know I'm not going to be cheerful and I might be kind of bitchy. I'm just-
Fuck. Fuck don't try to shove something in my mouth, for fuck's sake.
Screened
Date: 2014-09-09 12:51 pm (UTC)Re: Screened
Date: 2014-09-09 12:53 pm (UTC)Screened
Date: 2014-09-09 12:53 pm (UTC)Re: Screened
Date: 2014-09-09 12:55 pm (UTC)Screened
Date: 2014-09-09 12:57 pm (UTC)