daniel_marlow | Filtered away from Val - Edited just to Zoe, Cai and Rachel

What I wish I could do is take you out for dinner and a movie or something really special. Maybe we can fake it here? Like...get really nice takeaway and set the room up all fancy and I can wear something other than this goddamn hospital gown?

Maybe because he's a sick twisted evil fucker who doesn't even deserve to exist on the same planet as you.

We tried. I just can't help but think, if we'd tried harder... you know?

Uh...so you didn't just volunteer to bring me candy floss from your arse, right?

Zoe I saw you, you were pushing yourself to the limit as it was.

That wasn't my limit. I've never reached my limits.

Uuuh no I did not you are weird.

That sounds beyond awesome and the best birthday I've had in years <3

Yeah. Remember how I cut my hands to shreds when I tried to escape? He used that. He would squeeze my hand so hard every time I wasn't cooperating. One time he kneeled on it for so long and my other hand was tied so I couldn't get him off of me and I passed out and then he was so annoyed he elbowed me in my broken ribs. I've never been tortured before, you know? I can see how it works in interrogations because I would have told him anything.

You can't do that. You can't beat yourself up. Zoe. I am alive because of you. I know you well enough to know you were trying as hard as you could.

Really? Even though we have to spend it here? I am going to make a playlist and uhm...we can pretend to dance! Maybe if I don't hurt so much I can dance with you in my wheelchair hubba hubba! Though my foot is a bit better. I could try hobbling around.

I am really confused, but good!

Anyway. I'm not doing pot. I'm just bitching.

Fuck, Danny, I kinda wanna break out of hospital and get you high myself.

Yeah you're such a whiner, how do we put up with you?

<3 I don't mind if we just spend it curled up it'll still be the best day if I'm with you.

Yep, just snorted and my nose tube whistled. My life is such a joy right now.

When he was keeping me in that trunk I uhm- Well I'd been in there for well over twelve hours, so you can figure out- Whatever, I needed a shower. And he zip tied me in there and he hadn't even really touched me yet but he was washing me and I was so upset that I turned around and kicked him. He turned the water on cold and full blast and at first it was kind of okay because I hadn't had a drink in like...almost two days and I was so thirsty so I just drank a shittonne of water but then it was so cold and I didn't know cold could hurt so much. Like when you first jump into a chilly lake or the ocean only it doesn't get better, it gets worse. And I was there for so long I could feel my body stopping. Is that weird? The shivering got so bad I was hurting myself, and I kept biting my tongue because my teeth were chattering and then even that was stopping and fucking Greg left me there for like...an hour until I begged him to come help me. And then he had the audacity to make it somehow my fault.

And I thought all that was bad, but it's still happening and it's shit.

Sorry. Sorry I'm dumping this all on you. And sorry Rachel and Cai have to see it too.

Heh. Because I love you?

Yeaah something like that I guess.

But I want to make it special! I am going to have to send one of my minions out to get presents for you too. I plan to spoil you a little bit. Beware.

It's not still happening, you're out, you're Free Danny, remember? Captive Danny is gone.

<3

...I can't tell if you're-

Cai, I can't tell if you're really sick of me or not. It's okay. If you are it's okay, I understand. All I do lately is talk about really depressing shit and make you all really upset and you make that face that breaks my heart and I just want to lie and tell you I'm fine and it was actually not that bad okay, just a little bump in the road and not soul shattering. But I'm really bad at lying. So if you want to stop coming to see me, it's okay.

Please-

Zoe, you did incredibly. Please, please don't be upset with yourself. You're the best friend I've ever had. Don't beat yourself up because you...what, slept and ate?

I know it's not still happening for real, but the pain is still happening, and the torture did happen and I can't change that. I'm going to have to live the rest of my life knowing what it feels like to be tortured and that's fucked up. And it's new because when I was younger all he needed were threats and I didn't fight at all. This time I fought and that's what it got me. And sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have just given in sooner because once I finally did that it hurt less. And logically I know that fighting was good, but...god.

Captive Danny's gone sure, but Tortured Danny's still there, kinda lurking and freaking out every time someone I don't know tries to reach for my hand, or any time I even look at a shower (don't worry, I am still taking them because Tortured Danny is better than Tortured and Smelly Danny).

Maybe I shouldn't talk about this here but- It's helping? So. Yay? I mean it's helping me, but if you need me to shut up, I can.

I'm all for Clean Danny as opposed to Smelly Danny.

Talking Danny is okay too. Listening Zoe is pleased it is helping.

I thought so! I just play loud music while I shower so any panic attacks are kind of waylaid by some smooth jazz. Or some smooth The Fray.

No, it's- It's okay. I'll talk to Abby like I'm supposed to.

No shit sorry - I wasn't being sick of you there, I was just being a dick. I'm not sick of you, I'm sick of all this shit you're going through! It's not that I'm sick of hearing about it, I'm sick that it's happening to you. Does that make sense? Yeah it makes me sick, and horrified, and I make that face but... I don't know what to do about that. I don't think I can change my reaction to it, you know? But it's not you that makes me upset.

Filtered away from Val - Edited just to Zoe, Cai and Rachel

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