He is?! Holy crap, your uncle is badass. Okay. Then maybe I'll try to sleep and see if they still happen? Urgh, going to sleep and hoping I DO have nightmares seems weird, but at least it means they aren't coming from him?
You do, Zo. I mean...I was thinking about how it's not just my Mum I should stay for because logically I know Cai would be all fucked up over it because this...naive idea I'll magically be fine, so I can't leave him because I have this inkling he'd just break. And I don't want to break him. And Rachel- I don't even know. But she's in love with me and I don't want to treat that like it means nothing, because it means fucking everything, so I can't leave her. And Dylan has been through enough lately, and he's going to need me if I can be around because he has to learn how to walk again. And then there's you. My best friend. My wonderful Zoe who saved me. I think you've lost enough, and I don't want to deprive you of someone else. I'm in a place where I can actually not be selfish and realise all this whereas when I electrocuted myself all I could see was my own pain.
And sometimes I wish no one gave a shit about me, but then I realise I don't really wish that, it would just be easier to be selfish.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-10-07 11:47 am (UTC)He is?! Holy crap, your uncle is badass. Okay. Then maybe I'll try to sleep and see if they still happen? Urgh, going to sleep and hoping I DO have nightmares seems weird, but at least it means they aren't coming from him?
You do, Zo. I mean...I was thinking about how it's not just my Mum I should stay for because logically I know Cai would be all fucked up over it because this...naive idea I'll magically be fine, so I can't leave him because I have this inkling he'd just break. And I don't want to break him. And Rachel- I don't even know. But she's in love with me and I don't want to treat that like it means nothing, because it means fucking everything, so I can't leave her. And Dylan has been through enough lately, and he's going to need me if I can be around because he has to learn how to walk again. And then there's you. My best friend. My wonderful Zoe who saved me. I think you've lost enough, and I don't want to deprive you of someone else. I'm in a place where I can actually not be selfish and realise all this whereas when I electrocuted myself all I could see was my own pain.
And sometimes I wish no one gave a shit about me, but then I realise I don't really wish that, it would just be easier to be selfish.
Augh. This is what happens when I can't sleep.