I know it's not still happening for real, but the pain is still happening, and the torture did happen and I can't change that. I'm going to have to live the rest of my life knowing what it feels like to be tortured and that's fucked up. And it's new because when I was younger all he needed were threats and I didn't fight at all. This time I fought and that's what it got me. And sometimes I wonder if I shouldn't have just given in sooner because once I finally did that it hurt less. And logically I know that fighting was good, but...god.
Captive Danny's gone sure, but Tortured Danny's still there, kinda lurking and freaking out every time someone I don't know tries to reach for my hand, or any time I even look at a shower (don't worry, I am still taking them because Tortured Danny is better than Tortured and Smelly Danny).
Maybe I shouldn't talk about this here but- It's helping? So. Yay? I mean it's helping me, but if you need me to shut up, I can.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-09-15 01:21 pm (UTC)Captive Danny's gone sure, but Tortured Danny's still there, kinda lurking and freaking out every time someone I don't know tries to reach for my hand, or any time I even look at a shower (don't worry, I am still taking them because Tortured Danny is better than Tortured and Smelly Danny).
Maybe I shouldn't talk about this here but- It's helping? So. Yay? I mean it's helping me, but if you need me to shut up, I can.